


Your absence hurts me.

by cutesymochi



Category: TXT (Korea Band), Tomorrow X Together | TXT (Band)
Genre: And there's mention of taekook, Bang pd is evil in this, M/M, Our babies cry a lot in this, They don't show up, and there might be still grammar mistakes bc i cried too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-14 00:16:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18041804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutesymochi/pseuds/cutesymochi
Summary: "There’s a little thing that I am… well, the counsel and I are seeing, that may be dangerous, you know? It could taint the hard work you’re all doing”Beomgyu’s smile faded and looked at the man worried, what did he mean by that? Did something happen with the fans? Or was it…?“Did something happened to one of the members? Is everyone okay?”Bang PD smiled at the boy, as if he hoped that with the gesture would put him at ease, but it only made him feel more anxious.“You mustn’t worry, they’re okay”- The man’s expression then turned sour as he looked at the boy firmly- “The problem here is with you, Choi Beomgyu”





	1. I’ve put my faith in time, that heals everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this fic is one of my most painful ones i've ever wrote, so... that means that there will be grammar mistakes for sure mainly because I cried a lot while writing it. So... sorry.  
> But the idea was so good to not write it, so i hope you like it and grab tissues.
> 
> So, the title and the lyrics are from a song called: "Me duele tu ausencia" from the singer David Zepeda.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soWCedWlTa0  
> And i've translated the lyrics, they will be at the end.
> 
> STAY TUNED FOR UPDATES! (Because im editing the other chapters the best i can)
> 
> WARNING:  
> This work is purely fictional, nothing written here is real. This is made just for entertaining purposes.

__

“Beomgyu, it’s good to see you! Please, come in”

The man stood before the small boy showing him a friendly smile, which Beomgyu returned politely. He was a bit nervous, but as he noticed that the CEO of Bighit seemed content, the boy took a deep breath and calmed down as he sat down where Bang PD signaled him.

He didn’t knew why Bang PD had called him to his office all of the sudden, and to come alone, he just hoped there wasn’t any trouble… The man sat down in his chair, stared at the boy and spoke in a proud tone:

“First of all, I want to congratulate you, and of course the other members, you guys are doing a magnificent work with the songs, the choreography, the photoshoots! It’s all so great, and the fans love you all! You’re being the center of attention, and that’s amazing!”

“Thank you so much!”-He smiled brightly and bowed.

Hearing those words had a calming effect of Beomgyu, and as the man laughed happily, the boy saw how his face turned thoughtful, as if he was deciding what to say next:

“Everything is going amazing, we know that, you guys do too, but there’s a little thing that I am… well, the counsel and I are seeing, that may be dangerous, you know? It could taint the hard work you’re all doing”

Beomgyu’s smile faded and looked at the man worried, what did he mean by that? Did something happen with the fans? Or was it…?

“Did something happened to one of the members? Is everyone okay?”

Bang PD smiled at the boy, as if he hoped that with the gesture would put him at ease, but it only made him feel more anxious.

“You mustn’t worry, they’re okay”- The man’s expression then turned sour as he looked at the boy firmly- “The problem here is with you, Choi Beomgyu”

Beomgyu stared dumbfounded at his supervisor, did he really…?

“Normally these types of business I discuss them first with you leader, Choi Soobin, but I decided to leave him out of this because I feel that I will be able to come with an agreement with you”- Band PD said, looking at Beomgyu firmly.

The boy was unsure on what to say, he felt confused, scared and his brain was working full speed, reviewing his actions these past few days. What had he done? He didn’t remembered doing anything bad; he played a few tricks on the members but nothing harmful. Was it the choreographies? Did he mess up too much?

“I- I’m sorry, Bang PD-nim… but I don’t see what have I done-?”-He said with a fearful tone- “I have rehearsed everyday and done all that has been ordered me to do-”

“I’m very much aware of that”- Bang PD interrupted- “But the problem is more about… your current relationships with your band members”

Beomgyu froze, suddenly his vision started to become cloudy, the stress was getting too much…

“Has someone complained-?”

“No, nothing like that”- Beomgyu suddenly feel really small and defenseless, the environment in the room becoming tense, the man continued: “One of the things that I have observed, as well as the committee, is that you’re quite… attached to your hyung Choi Yeonjun”

At the mention of the name, Beomgyu’s color drained. He felt paralyzed and he didn’t even fully knew why, his relationship with Yeonjun was a very close one, and sure, he felt a connection to his hyung, a very special one… but why was Bang PD bringing that up now?

“We both are really good friends”- Beomgyu answered shyly, struggling to see his boss in the eye.

“Only friends?”

The stern tone in his voice made the boy tremble, he couldn’t find the voice to answer.

Bang PD stood up and as he inspected the expression on the youngster’s face, he sat on the lone chair next to Beomgyu. The boy looked at him fearfully, but he found out that the expression in the man’s face had softened a bit.

“More than friends, huh? So I was right”

“It’s not- we’re not-“

“For now, but later?”- He questioned him- “Let’s say you two become a couple; you two go out, have dates, spend time together and play… but how are the fans going to react?”

At the mention of the fans, Beomgyu’s eyes widened, but he rapidly went calm, he has seen that many people on twitter were already noticing him and Yeonjun’s closeness and were pretty excited.

“They-”

“The people in charge of the media claimed that there were numerous of fans that were against it”

Beomgyu felt a chill, he stared at his boss in disbelief yet he didn’t voiced his doubts…

“The counsel, including me, feels like we need to protect you, Yeonjun, as well as the other members from the negative backlash that may come from this.”- Bang PD explained, a worried expression drawn in his face- “So I need to ask you a favor”

“S-sure…”

“I need you to be distant from Yeonjun”

The words went like daggers to his heart and Beomgyu looked at his boss with shock, did he heard that correctly?

“P…pardon?”

“Keep your distance with Yeonjun, its quite simple”- The man said calmly, leaning back on the chair- “During Vlive just sit away from him, we will make sure not to pair you with him; in concerts just stay far from him; in fan meetings you will be seated away from him too. See it as a temporary break from your so called ‘friendship’”

Beomgyu’s head was spinning, it was too much, distance from him? HIM? Yeonjun. His hyung… He couldn’t just from a day to another suddenly ignore him and pretend he doesn’t exist!

“But… But for how long-?”

“That will depend, we need that the fans starts concentration in other stuff from you guys…could be years”

“B-but the others will notice! And he will too-”

“And you care about that? That he notices?”- Bang PD asked, glancing firmly at the boy, whose eyes started to water. Bang PD grew closer to him- “Tell me Beomgyu, do you care for your members?”

“Yes, I do”

“Not just Yeonjun, but the others too?”

“Of course I do”- He exclaimed- “I care for all of them”

“Then you must understand why we’re doing this, your proximity with Yeonjun is getting noticed by many people. That’s a problem that can bring a lot of hate, jealousy, and more stalkers and problems which can bring the group down and tear the members apart”- The man sighed and continued- “And… well, this whole situation started because of those selcas, and videos you posted”

Beomgyu’s eyes widened, feeling completely in shock. True, he has been an important clue on showing how much he loved his hyung, he adored him and wanted to always be next to him and hug him. But he had never known how much it could affect the others… and now he had to remediate the wrongs he had done before it was too late. But…

“So, for the sake of your teammates. Keep your distance with Choi Yeonjun”

“…Understood”

Bang PD smiled tenderly at the boy, whose face once came to the office with a charming smile, and now wore a devastating expression of immense sadness and heartbreak.

“Good”

 **+** **x** **+**

“Yeonjun, can I talk to you?”

He looked up at his leader, who was standing on the entrance of his room. Yeonjun nodded and walked inside not saying a word, and sat on the bed. His mind still being else where… thinking of a smile… or the absence of one, the smile in his lips…

“Yeonjun?”

Soobin’s voice broke his thoughts; he felt the leader sitting next to him on the bed. Yeonjun couldn’t look at him… and he didn’t exactly knew why.

“Junnie, do you know what is happening with Beomie?”

Yeonjun let out a sad laugh, wasn’t that the question of the century?

“He’s been acting very weird these past few weeks, the others are also noticing that. Taehyunnie is getting nervous about it and-”

Yeonjun nodded as Soobin kept talking, explaining the obvious: Yes, he had seen how Beomgyu had been wearing a blank expression during band meetings; yes, also how his bright genuine smile was missing for quite a long time now, replaced by a fake one that Yeonjun’s heart broke each time he saw it.

And most importantly: _yes,_ he had seen how Beomgyu has been avoiding him, in the most literal form, for almost a month. Because its not weeks, like Soobin said, it’s a month that Beomgyu has been acting like that.

He doesn’t sit next to him during Vlives, fan meetings, or dinners, even when cameras weren’t rolling; he sits now on the other side of the room, or gets send to other place… goes to the far side of the couch… and doesn’t even look or speak to him. And when he does, it’s such a cold interaction…

“Do you think he’s angry at us?”- Soobin asked, his voice tainted with worry

“No”- Yeonjun said flatly- “Not with you, Tae or Kai, at least”

The leader looked at him, puzzled. Yeonjun looked at him, and said with a broken tone:

“It’s with me”

Soobin’s eyes widened in disbelief, while Yeonjun’s gaze went at the floor, feeling the thread of tears beginning to fall, as he whispered;

“He’s been ignoring me, pretending that I’m not there… he walks past me and answers to me with a cold tone that not even in my dreams I thought he could do…”

He looks at his leader, with tears streaming down his face, a broken expression that it made Soobin feel like crying too. Yeonjun took air and continued:

“I’ve heard him crying… those nightmares he has? I used to calm him down… but now he never comes to my room, and he locks his door…”

Yeonjun closed his eyes, the image of Beomgyu smiling appearing: a memory that broke him to pieces… He gazed at his leader, and with a broken voice, he asked:

“Tell me, Binnie… tell me…what did I do wrong?”

 

 **+** **x** **+**

 

The room was dark, cold and lonely.

A representation of what Beomgyu has been feeling these past weeks, almost a month.

And now, as he lay in his bed, hugging a pillow, curled up and his eyes closed. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling down…He’s been crying for a while now, and he knew he needed to calm down before dinner.

He just locked himself in his room, and refused to open the door to anyone. And that included a very distressed Yeonjun who just wanted to talk to him… like a routine:

The second Beomgyu opened his door in the morning, Yeonjun would be in the living room waiting for him; he was either reading, writing in his notebook, or scrolling through his phone. And the moment he sees him, Yeonjun would stand up, call his name, go to him and Beomgyu would just ignore him and walk past him, join the members for breakfast, then back to his room until it was time to leave.

Beomgyu hugged the pillow tightly and let out a sob; this whole situation hurt him so much. Each day he felt like he was dying, his heart and mind constantly reminding him Yeonjun’s face, his smile, the devilish smirk he sometimes wore… how he would coo Beomgyu when he had his nightmares and woke up crying… and now he cries because he feels like he’s living in one of them. And there’s no waking up, because it’s real.

And all, because he needs to forget these feelings he has for him, if he manages to disappear what he feels for his hyung, then everything can be normal, he can be distant to Yeonjun with no problem and the haters wouldn’t bother them anymore…

Because he wouldn’t love… Yeonjun… like he does now.

He closes his eyes and felt a pang in his heart… it hurts…

_It hurts…_

_It hurts…_

_It hurts…_

 

_Yeonjunie-hyung…_

He felt like the darkness of the room engulfed him, and he did nothing to stop it.


	2. How much do I wish to come back to you, It really hurts me to feel that I lose you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can I ask you something?”
> 
> Beomgyu nodded, looking at the leader expectantly. Soobin meditated his words… he knew he had to be careful, but he also knew that no matter what he said or asked, Beomgyu would react in a defensive way. This time, there were no correct questions, only incorrect.
> 
> “Gyu, are you angry with Yeonjun?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 everyone...  
> Honestly, i'm sorry for the pain, but hey, i had to read this fic like 300000 times, if i survived, you guys can too.  
> Chapter 3 will come soon!
> 
> WARNING:  
> This work is purely fictional, nothing written here is real. This is made just for entertaining purposes.

Soobin knocked slightly on the door and after waiting for a second he went inside. He would normally expect to see the room with the lamp on and Beomgyu listening to music or scrolling twitter on his bed in his pajamas ready to sleep… but not this time.

Beomgyu’s room was in complete darkness, incredibly cold and if Soobin had not focused his eyesight on the bed; he would have thought that the boy wasn’t in the room at all.

“Beomie”- The leader whispered to the curled up figure sleeping.

Beomgyu stirred, opened his eyes and rapidly looked at the door, scared of the possibility of being Yeonjun, but calming himself down when he noticed his leader.

Soobin noticed it, confusion hitting him as he closed the door and stood near the bed. He watched Beomgyu going to turn on the lamp and the room was finally visible.

The leader looked at his band member… it was 4 in the afternoon, was he really sleeping?

“Hyung…”

“Sorry, I woke you up…”

“’tiss fine…”

Soobin smiled, but he immediately noticed his puffy eyes and he immediately asked:

“Beomie…where you crying?”

The smaller boy froze, cleaning rapidly his eyes. Soobin was immediately sitting in front of him, holding his hands.

“Are you okay? Please just- I’m here for you, you know that, right?”

Beomgyu smiled tenderly at him and nodded:

“I’m okay hyung, I’m just tired and it was a long and stressful day”

Soobin knew he was lying: Beomgyu was a terrible liar… something was bothering him, and it showed, yet he didn’t asked, even though Soobin wanted to. The leader hoped that the youngest would tell him in time… or…

He showed him a small smile and crawled onto the bed, next to the smaller boy. Head in the pillows, as if he was going to sleep. Beomgyu stared at him confused and smirked, his leader sometimes was so childlike and he couldn’t help but find that really adorable.

“Gyu, your room is freezing”

“I’m not that cold”- Beomgyu lied, laying his head in the pillow, looking at Soobin.

The leader stared at him; Beomgyu had a small smile, yet he could see an inexplicable sadness in his eyes. Something was going on and Soobin, for the first time, felt really scared.

“Can I ask you something?”

Beomgyu nodded, looking at the leader expectantly. Soobin meditated his words… he knew he had to be careful, but he also knew that no matter what he said or asked, Beomgyu would react in a defensive way. This time, there were no correct questions, only incorrect.

“Gyu, are you angry with Yeonjun?”

 _His name_ …

Beomgyu sighed and started to turn around.

Soobin, thinking that Beomgyu was going to run away like he did with Yeonjun, prepared an excuse, but he calmed down when he saw that Beomgyu was just now staring at the roof, still lying next to him.

“Why do you ask, hyung?”

“You seem cold with him lately, and well… we’ve all noticed that you’ve been quiet and I can see that something is bothering you”- Soobin whispered the last part, which made Beomgyu close his eyes.

“Hyung…”

Soobin immediately said:

“I know everyone has their own private problems, it’s just that… I don’t like seeing you sad, everybody is worried for you, especially him”

Beomgyu raised himself from the bed; he couldn’t hear this, not now. He stood up and walked to the door.

“Beomie-”

“Soobin, I’m not angry at him, if that’s what you want to know”- He heard the smaller man say in a cold tone that Soobin felt chills- “Its just that, right now, I want to focus on our main goal and move forward. He sometimes distracts me, and I need to stay away from him in order for me to-”

_Keep you all safe._

“…Improve”

And with that, he opened the door and left the room.

**+** **x** **+**

2 weeks went by, and things remained the same. Each day, Beomgyu did an effort to not be near Yeonjun and instead, he spent time with Taehyun and Kai, who now thought that the sadness of their hyung was gone and their happy and cheerful Beomgyu-hyung was back.

As the members took a break from rehearsal, Taehyun and Kai started to chase each other and Kai hid behind Beomgyu, who let out a laugh as he tried to drink water and try not to spill it on the floor.

“YAH!”- Yeonjun exclaimed happily when he saw the smile, a spark of hope flourishing inside of him- “Stop, you’re going to knock him down, respect your hyung!”

Kai and Taehyun laughed when they saw Yeonjun and kept playing, both leaving the dance studio and the two of them alone. Beomgyu turned his back on Yeonjun, putting away his water bottle in his bag, not paying attention to the boy who was now walking closer to him.

“Beomgyu-ah”

_Don’t look at him…_

Yeonjun stood behind his teammate, who was closing his bag and starting to walk away.

“Beomgyu”

_Stop!_

He grabbed his hand and stopped him, the youngster not even looking at him.

_Let me go… don’t call my name…_

“Can we talk? Please-”

“I need to check on Kai and Tae”- He pulled his arm from Yeonjun’s grip and continued walking toward the door.

Yeonjun felt so confused, frustrated, how-? When did all started to go wrong? What did he do? It’s been so long since both of them had talked, or taken pictures together… the fans were already starting to come up with theories that both had fought or even hated each other. Yeonjun couldn’t even enter twitter now, not with those theories… those fake and hurtful theories…

He loved Beomgyu, he missed him… and he needed him.

“Can we at least take a selca together?”

Beomgyu stopped walking, and Yeonjun looked at him with hope.

“It’s been some time since we’ve taken pictures and…well, the fans have been asking for-”

“… Have they?”

Yeonjun looked at Beomgyu confused, he took a step forward, getting his phone out and smiled.

“Of course they have! It’s been a long time since we interacted, or posted a selca…”- His voice faltered a little- “they are saying we both hate each other or that we fought”

Beomgyu’s eyes widened and turned to look at him, which was a big mistake.

Yeonjun had teary eyes that was trying to control them from falling by smiling and pretending a calm attitude, but he failed. Beomgyu felt his heart breaking in a million pieces at the sight before him…

_I did this… I’m hurting him…_

“Beomie…”

_Stop…_

“Please talk to me, what did I do?”

**_“So_ ** **,”**

Beomgyu stared at the older boy in front of him, the boy who was in love with, and was hurting in the most painful way.

Beomgyu felt his tears fall…

“Yeonjun, I-”

**_“For the sake of your teammates…”_ **

The older boy kept looking at him, still crying uncontrollably, waiting for him with the phone in hand, camera ready. Beomgyu closed his eyes and grabbed the door handle

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Junnie”- He said, his voice breaking and whispering the nickname, yet knowing that Yeonjun heard it. And walked away, leaving the door open.

**_“Keep your distance with Choi Yeonjun”_ **

“BEOMIE!”

**+** **x** **+**

The screams of the fans pounded in his ears, the adrenaline making him feel in heaven.

The concert was going great, and everyone seemed to be having a great time, and he felt so free… the chilly wind hitting his face and the fans screaming the lyrics of the song…

He gave himself permission to be free and forget everything, the music taking control. Not caring anymore…

He danced like there was nobody there, enjoying himself, feeling the music in his blood. He swayed, spun and jumped in synchronization every move with the rest of the members; he sung every single note with his heart, and for the first time in a month and a half… he felt a rush of genuine happiness, freedom and courage.

Beomgyu smiled widely, his eyes beaming.

“BUM KKYU!”

He turned around and saw Yeonjun looking at him with a smile.

His smile.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

Yeonjun extended his hand to him and Beomgyu took it, suddenly being pulled in a big hug in which the youngster melted, resting his head in his hyung’s shoulder.

_I missed this. I missed him. I missed this. I missed him…_

He embraces Yeonjun strongly; his arms around him not letting him go, as he started crying, causing the eldest to also drop tears.

In that moment, they didn’t care that millions of people were watching them, only they mattered.

Beomgyu looked at Yeonjun and smiled widely, a reminiscence that Yeonjun decided to keep in his memory for the rest of his life.

_I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him._

They looked at each other, singing, dancing, and smiling…

_I’m with him…_

 

**+** **x** **+**

“Hyuuuuung”

Yeonjun turned around with a big smile, seeing Beomgyu with a pouty expression on his face, holding a bottle of water.

“What? What happened?”

Beomgyu crossed his arms, the pout still in his face and trying not to laugh. Yeonjun felt like dying of adorableness.

“I forgot my bottle of water in the dorms…”

Yeonjun sighed and stood up from the dance floor where he was resting. Going toward the younger boy and hugging him. Beomgyu breathed...

_Coconut shampoo…_

The brown haired boy smiled, feeling safe with his hyung.

“You can drink from my bottle, Bamgyu”

Beomgyu chuckled and looked at him, Yeonjun was smiling brightly at him and was offering his bottle of water, which had a few sips left, enough for the rest of the rehearsal.

“No, don’t worry hyung, I was about to go and buy one from the machine”

“Want me to go with you?”- He asked, leaving the bottle next to his bag.

“No, don’t worry, I’ll be back”

Yeonjun nodded and Beomgyu exited the dance studio.

As he reached the machine, he inserted the coins and pressed the buttons for the water bottle, as he picked it up, he felt a presence by his side. Thinking it was one of his band members trying to scare him, he smiled and turned around about to call them out, but instead he found out how wrong he was.

It was Bang PD.

And he seemed really unhappy.

“Choi Beomgyu, we need to talk. Now.”

Beomgyu dropped the bottle.

\---

The walk to the office was in absolute silence, neither the man nor Beomgyu dared to say a word. And the boy was worried, because Yeonjun was still in the studio… and he was already taking too long to return…

_YeonjunYeonjunYeonjunYeonjunYeonjun_

The CEO opened the door to his office and Beomgyu entered, sitting in the chair once more, feeling extremely nervous and tense.

The man looked at him firmly, his expression showing disappointment and anger.

“You know, the last time we met, I thought my instructions had been clear”

Beomgyu swallowed, he did not dare to glance at the man who walked toward his chair and sat, glaring at the boy.

“And, let me tell you, you were doing a great job. For a month, those rumors began to disappear, we gained the fans and media’s attention and directed them to other important news”- He sighed, and Beomgyu looked at him, his eyes starting to fill with tears-“And then you go, and do this!”

He clicked on his laptop and turned the screen around, showing pictures of the hug that Yeonjun and him gave each other the day of the concert. Yeonjun’s face showing a bright smile and crying tears of joy; while the younger boy had his head buried on his shoulder, hugging his hyung tightly.

Beomgyu let out a silent sob, the tears falling down.

“It was not-”

Bang PD raised a hand, shutting him up, clicking again and showing him the hug again from a different angle, this time the face of Beomgyu clearly visible; the tears and the big bright smile evident.

“Did you think you weren’t going to be seen? That the fans were just going to attribute this to a ‘friend hug’? Do you have any idea how many people are now talking about it? All that work that you did is now in the trash, thanks to this”

The man turned the computer back, Beomgyu closing his eyes and trembling, wanting to run away. Bang PD glared at the boy, the anger increasing each second.

“What’s your excuse?”

“I- I don’t k- know, please…”- The boy cried- “I can’t hide what I feel for him”

“What I asked is not that complicated, Beomgyu. Just to stay away from him, and to forget those feelings you have for him. I used to think that you had actually managed to succeed… and then you come up with this?”

“It’s not easy-!”

The man raised his hand again, his eyes glaring at the boy:

“How so? If your hyungs Jungkook and Taehyung managed to do this, I don’t see why you can’t”

Beomgyu felt his blood froze, his vision blurry and felt that he was about to pass out… this was not good. Not good at all…

“Even if I let you continue your relationship with your hyung, those haters will make your band members live a living hell… do you want that for them? Are you that selfish?”

“No! I’m-”

“Then listen to me, and listen very carefully, because if you don’t, there will be consequences this time”

As the man said the warning: Beomgyu’s mind raced, the words echoed in his mind and made him feel terribly nervous, the nausea creeping up his throat.

“W- what?”

“Either you separate yourself from Yeonjun, or I will disband TXT”

Beomgyu’s eyes widened, feeling shocked, hurt and scared… this was too much, and only because he loved-

“You- you can’t do this, you-!”

“Go then, go to his arms, hug him and go out with him, but then the tweets will tear your members heart’s apart, and make them cry… but go Beomgyu, he’s waiting for you at the studio right now. But don’t come here later begging me to do something to protect your members and him, you will be alone”

Beomgyu shook his head as he cried; the man stood up and walked toward him, his voice firm:

“Do as I said, and this time do it right. Leave.”

The boy nodded and stood up, bowing before leaving the office. As he was in a considerable distance, he broke down crying, the tears not stopping. He ran out of the building, forgetting his bag in the studio, where a worried Yeonjun returned to his band-members holding a bottle that he saw on the floor near the vending machine.


	3. This long distance is just killing me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Something must have happened, Soobin. It’s not coincidence that I found that bottle on the floor, to Beomgyu leaving the rehearsals just like that, then apologizing and crying while he sleeps. It's got to mean something.”- Yeonjun said, his mind trying to pierce his ideas in a logical order.
> 
> He knew that Beomgyu was key in all of this, but he couldn’t find out the ‘why’ or ‘what’… and he knew that the youngster wasn’t going to answer him.
> 
> “What are you trying to say, hyung?”- Soobin said, confusion written on his face.
> 
> “Something happened to Beomgyu the moment he went to the vending machine yesterday, it's obvious. It must be to be connected to what also happened a month ago, I’m sure of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter guys! I... hope it doesn't dissappoint, i know many people have been waiting for this.  
> I still don't know if this should be a series or don't, the ending is kinda ambiguous.   
> You guys let me know what you think!  
> See you later and please enjoy!

**+**

As the members entered the dorms, Soobin immediately went to check Beomgyu’s room, finding the door closed but not locked. He opened it, and saw the room in darkness again but managed to see the boy curled up in his bed sleeping… he quickly left the bag ofthe youngster on the nearby chair and closed the door, fearing to wake him up like last time.

“Is he there?”- Taehyun asked worried, the others waiting for an answer.

“He is, but he’s sleeping. Odds are that he probably felt sick and came here to rest.”

Kai and Taehyun nodded, it made sense to them, Beomgyu always worked really hard, and they remembered how he had forgotten to bring his water, which must have caused him to feel sick.

But Yeonjun shook his head, it was impossible, he found it difficult to believe he was sick, especially when he saw that Beomgyu looked perfectly fine when they both last saw each other…

Yeonjun walked past them, ignoring Soobin’s protests, and entered the room quietly. He felt chills, and walked where he saw the silhouette of his Beomgyu. He heard a sniff, and all the alarms went on in Yeonjun’s mind.

“Be-”

“ _I’m sorry…_ ”

Yeonjun stared at him puzzled. The sleeping boy sniffed again and talked:

“ _I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…Junnie…_ ”

He was shocked for what he was hearing, he couldn’t even move, as Beomgyu kept apologizing and saying his name over and over while crying. He stayed there for a solid minute, hearing the broken voice of his Beomie, not being able to move. So many questions surfaced in his mind, so many fears, and he felt so powerless…and even now, knowing that Beomgyu was in pain, Yeonjun just stood there completely shocked... he wanted to move, to go and hug him, to take the pain away and comfort him... but he didn't, he just stood there feeling tears in his eyes...

He just froze there, until Soobin came inside the room and got him out.

**+x+**

“Beomgyu-hyung, good morning!”

Yeonjun immediately raised his head from his breakfast to look at the young man approaching the table. But what he saw it terrified him beyond reason; Beomgyu looked restless, puffy eyes and his smile- Yeonjun’s eyes furrowed.

_That smile was back…_

_And if that smile was back…_

“Beomie”- Yeonjun called him, with a fearful tone.

But instead of answering him, those expressionless eyes didn’t even bothered to look at him, the youngster just grabbed an apple, a glass of milk and walked away back to his room closing the door. Leaving the maknaes and a distressed Yeonjun on the table feeling tense.

\---

“I  _heard_ him calling my name in his sleep yesterday,  _apologizing_ for something… and today  _those_ eyes are back, and  _that_  smile…  _that emotionless smile_ , Binnie…”

“One can’t change that quickly from one day to another, Yeonjun…”

“Well he did, Soobin. He went back to that Beomgyu of a month ago, and I have no idea why! Tae and Kai were so confused and shocked this morning when they saw him, Kai tried to talk to him but he got nothing, only a reassuring smile and a bullshit ‘ _I’m fine_ ’ lie”

Soobin closed his eyes as Yeonjun stared at his leader with frustration as he asked, with poison in his tone:

“Does that sound familiar to you? Is that the exact same thing he used to say to all of you like a month ago?”

Soobin nodded silently sitting on his bed, a worried expression on his face.

“Something must have happened, Soobin. It’s not coincidence that I found that bottle on the floor, to Beomgyu leaving the rehearsals just like that, then apologizing and crying while he sleeps. It's got to mean something.”- Yeonjun said, his mind trying to pierce his ideas in a logical order.

He knew that Beomgyu was key in all of this, but he couldn’t find out the ‘why’ or ‘what’… and he knew that the youngster wasn’t going to answer him.

“What are you trying to say, hyung?”- Soobin said, confusion written on his face.

“Something happened to Beomgyu the moment he went to the vending machine yesterday, it's obvious. It must be to be connected to what also happened a month ago, I’m sure of it.”

Soobin crossed his arms and nodded, but as soon as he was about to speak, someone knocked on the door and Taehyun appeared:

“We need to leave, we got a call and we’re doing a Vlive”

\---

Soobin showed a bright smile as the cameras were rolling, he was holding papers that explained the different dynamics that they were doing today.

They were going to play dodgeball, and the members were really excited for it; Taehyun, Kai and Yeonjun were already bantering on who would win. While Beomgyu was laughing and smiling, yet Soobin could tell that he was extremely tired and, as much as the makeup artists did a great job on hiding his eye bags, he could still see how his teammate had not rested at all.

He looked at the papers and noticed how the teams were going to be divided; Kai and him were a team; Taehyun and Beomgyu were the second team, and Yeonjun would destroy them alone.

Soobin stared at the paper, a funny feeling starting to surface in his stomach. Is not that he doubted Yeonjun’s ability to win alone, he could obviously do it… but what called his attention was the fact that the producers had decided to place Yeonjun alone. And a member doing a dynamic alone was something that it hasn’t happened to them until now, and what a coincidence that it was Yeonjun… the member that was usually paired with Beomgyu during Vlives, and also the one the brown-haired boy has been avoiding…

_“Something happened to Beomgyu the moment he went to the vending machine yesterday”_

Soobin stared at the production team, the camera man… all of them where from Bighit… the writers were too. What a coincidence that now, when all of this was happening, they decided to separate a member… and not just any member; but the one that Beomgyu was evading... Separating Yeonjun now... why now? Why when...? Soobin's eyes went to Yeonjun, who had stopped laughing with Kai and Taehyun and took a glance at Beomgyu. Yeonjun's eyes filled with worry and... pain. The same look that Beomgyu had that day when he talked to him and asked about Yeonjun...   _Oh_... 

_Bingo, Soobin…_

“Okay, so the teams are; Kai and Taehyun, you’re with me. Yeonjunie-hyung and Beomie, you two are together”

Soobin noticed how the color drained from Beomgyu’s face, and how Yeonjun stared intently at his leader then to the youngster. Soobin just knew now, it all fit perfectly and it made sense… he looked at the producers behind cameras, who some of them were glaring firmly at him or whispering to one another. Soobin kept smiling but his eyes were on fire, he just knew it; Bighit was behind all of this, but he still didn’t know why.

“Alright! Let’s start the game!”- Soobin said as he broke the paper with the original assigned teams and moving toward his team.

As the game progressed, Soobin was feeling thankful that he had placed Yeonjun with Beomgyu. Not just because he had defied and discovered the possible culprits of the scheme. But because Yeonjun kept protecting his teammate, noticing quickly the bad shape Beomgyu actually was due to his lack of sleep and the terrible breakfast he had. The moment Taehyun and Kai decided to target Beomgyu, it was the moment Yeonjun eliminated them… confirming Soobin’s theory to not target the brown-haired boy for his own safety.

At the end… Yeonjun and Beomgyu took the victory, while Taehyun and Kai won a valuable lesson with a couple of bruises, and Soobin succeeded by keeping himself in one piece.

After they congratulated and were dismissed, the five boys arrived at their dorms and Taehyun, once they were at the living room, said with a bright smile:

“Guys, let’s go and grab dinner! We should celebrate the Vlive and the winners!”

Yeonjun smiled as the others nodded in approval, as the excitement bloomed in the room.

“You guys go ahead, I’m feeling really tired…”- Beomgyu muttered, not looking at anyone.

“Oh, come on hyung! We must celebrate your win of this Vlive!”- Taehyun insisted- “Please, hyuuuuung!”

Beomgyu smiled a little and patted Tae’s head tenderly. Soobin noticed Yeonjun’s face going from all smiley to a confused and deeply worried expression.

“Its okay Beomgyu-ah, go and rest”- Soobin said- “We should all do that, tomorrow we have an interview, remember? We can go and celebrate after that”

Taehyun let out a satisfied nod, as Beomgyu lowered his head and started to walk away, muttering a ' _good night_ '.

Yeonjun watched him walk away, lowering his head as he started to go to his room until he suddenly felt a hand-Soobin’s hand- fall on his shoulders, stopping him. The eldest turned to see him and was surprised to see the leader with a serious expression that the oldest have never seen on him before:

“Go to Beomgyu”

“What?”

“Listen, you were right, something did happened to him. I can’t explain it, but you must talk to him and this time, don’t let him get away from you. Lock the door of his room, do whatever you have to do”

**+x+**

Beomgyu opened the door of his room and entered, turning the light on and as he was about to shut the door, Yeonjun appeared in front of him and pushed the smaller boy inside, slamming the door shut and locking it.

“Yeon-!”

“Oh, so you do know my name after all”- Yeonjun said, staring at the boy, whose expression was pure shock- “What? Are you not going to talk to me?”

Beomgyu stayed silent, not knowing what to do, he was still stunned and trying to find something, anything, to say to the boy in front of him, but he stayed silent.

“You know, when I first met you, I thought that I had finally found someone who I could truly be myself, and not be judged on what I do or why”-Yeonjun started, not breaking eye contact with Beomgyu- “My days stopped being so dull and I discovered many things thanks to you. And as you were continuously there for me... so I have always supported you. And as the days went by, I had this continuous thought that I could- that we could-”

The smaller boy stared at him, listening attentively. Yeonjun inhaled deeply, his eyes getting teary:

“What i'm trying to say is...You’re a very important person for me, Beomgyu”

At that, Beomgyu’s eyes widened, feeling a pang of guilt rise inside of him. And the sincerity, the hurt in Yeonjun’s voice and expression were not helping either.

“I don’t want to lose you, I don’t know what I did to make you behave like this with me but…”

Beomgyu stayed silent, not knowing what to say. Yeonjun decided to push him, tears running down his cheeks:

“Why are you like this? Why only with me? Did I do something wrong?”

Beomgyu closed his eyes, also starting to cry, and started to walk toward the door, to which Yeonjun grabbed his arm and stopped him:

“Just tell me, Beomie”

“Nothing is going on, I’m just focusing on what I have to do without distractions”

“Distractions? I distract you? More than Kai and Tae?”- Disbelief colored Yeonjun’s expression- “Come on, those are just excuses and you know it, you’re a terrible liar”

Beomgyu stayed silent, staring at Yeonjun, the eldest had let go of his hand but even if he tried to get away, there was no way out of this.

Yeonjun wasn’t even trying to hide the despair he felt at this point, the same fear of the unknown that caused him to have doubts at night coming back to him.

“I heard you, Beomgyu. I heard you apologizing to me while you slept.  _Why?_ ”

The youngster felt his blood freeze, fear beginning to creep up, red alerts flaring in his mind. He had talked in his sleep? and Yeonjun was  _there?!_

“ _Why_ were you apologizing to me?!”

“I wasn’t- No-“

“No what? I  _heard_  you, Beomgyu!”- He walked to the bed and pointed at it- “You were curled up here; sleeping, crying and talking! You clearly said ‘I’m sorry Junnie’  _Junnie_. Why were you apologizing to me?”

Beomgyu at this point started to cry and dashed toward the door, but as he reached the handle, Yeonjun grabbed his hand and pulled him in a hug.

_Stop it!_

Beomgyu began to struggle, trying to break the grip off him. But not to avail, his hyung was stronger, so the oldest had an advantage over him. 

“I love you, Beomgyu”

Yeonjun felt the youngster going stiff; he squeezed the hug a little, fearful that his teammate would run. But he didn’t.

Beomgyu was paralyzed, those words piercing his mind, the sincerity in the voice…

_I love you I love you I love you I love you_

“I really love you, please…”-Yeonjun sobbed- “And I’m so worried… so scared…”

Beomgyu closed his eyes as tears fell, burying his head in the eldest shoulder, returning the hug as he cried.

_I did this… I hurt him… I made him cry…_

“Yeonjun…”

“Beomie… tell me”

_**“So”** _

The voice of the CEO echoed his head and Beomgyu cried harder. Yeonjun felt the smaller man’s body start to tremble and looked at him.

_Fear._

“Beomie”-He whispered, looking at the sight before him.

Once a cheerful and lively spirit, Choi Beomgyu now stood trembling, crying uncontrollably, breathing fast and it didn’t took long until his feet gave up to fall on the carpet, the attack taking over him.

“Beomie, breathe. Please breathe”- Yeonjun whispered, trying to calm him, hugging him again as Beomgyu clutched him tightly. Breathing loudly now, gasping and talking loudly:

“Junnie, Junnie! I’m so sorry”

_**“For the sake of your teammates…”** _

“Why, Beomie?”

“I failed, I f-failed this again!”- He wailed- “And- and he’s going to send you away from me! He will separate all of us!”

Yeonjun felt a chill at those words; he made Beomgyu look at him, puffy red eyes still pouring out tears

 _… from those beautiful eyes_.

“Who? Who told you that?”

“Bang PD-nim”

_**“Keep your distance with Choi Yeonjun”** _

As far as he knows, there hasn’t been a moment in his life, or at least what he remembers, where Yeonjun had felt genuine rage filling up his body…

Until now.

Bang PD... He should have known.

_**“You were right, something did happened to him”** _

_Soobin decoded this…_

He remembered his leader staring at the paper for a long time; then breaking it… The teams on the Vlive, they had separated him from Beomgyu but Soobin defied the rules…

It all made sense now.

“PD-nim…”

“He said that I should keep my distance from you, that if I didn’t do it he would disband Tomorrow by Together and-“

“But why?”- Yeonjun asked unconsciously

“The counsil and him saw that there was so much hate with us being together, and he wanted to protect us and- and I don’t want to hurt the members, I don’t want to cause you pain”-The panic in Beomgyu’s voice tore Yeonjun’s heart, the youngster as he talked raised his voice again- “And I almost made it! But then I hugged you at the concert and PD-nim was so angry, because I messed up and he said that if he saw me with you again he would separate us!”

Yeonjun started crying again, seeing the love of his life in pain, prey of the threats of his own boss, the person they considered their friend.

“And now I did it again, I’m so stupid, I couldn’t do a simple task! Not to be near to you, to stay away. I couldn’t do it, because I-”

Beomgyu’s eyes were on Yeonjun’s, both boys crying on the floor of the room, the smaller boy struggling to speak.

“I can’t stop being in love with you”

Yeonjun sobbed and approached to Beomgyu, bringing his face and pecking him in his lips.

One peck turned to two, then three… then a kiss, a sad and sincere kiss… until Yeonjun drew away staring at the crying boy before him.

“Then don’t stop”- He caressed Beomgyu’s chin- “Please, don’t stop”

“Hyung, I can’t-!”

“If that means that we get disbanded then he can do whatever he likes, you can’t do this to me, not now when I know you love me”

Beomgyu stayed silent, staring at his hyung surprised. The tension still lingering in the environment as Bang PD’s threat still resonated in the air.

“What’s going to happen now?”

“I- I don’t know…”- Yeonjun confessed

“Are you going to tell the others?”

“We should, but it’s your choice too”- Yeonjun said- “The one thing I’m sure is that, whatever you do, I’ll stay with you, no matter what. We stay together.”

The youngster looked down, a chuckle leaving his lips, a sound that resonated like heaven in Yeonjun’s ears.

Beomgyu looked up at his hyung and Yeonjun was left breathless: there was a smile…

_A smile_

_His smile…_

_Beomgyu’s smile._

The smile he treasured the most, the one that Bang PD took away from him once, but Yeonjun would protect it now with all his might. 

**+x+**

Soobin had always respected the man who had given him the chance on becoming who he is now.

Thanks to that, he had his members, his fans, he had the support of his elders in BTS...

But the words of Yeonjun and the tears of Beomgyu when they went to his room last night and confirmed that his suspicions were all true, it lit a fiery anger in his soul.

 _"He will disband us if we're seen together"_ Yeonjun had said, while the youngster cried next to him, holding his hyung's hand.  _"He threatened him, Soobin"_

Thankfully Beomgyu seemed to be returning to his normal self after spilling the whole truth, as now the leader noticed that the brown-haired boy laughed and talked to Yeonjun like he used to. Soobin drew a smile as Yeonjun lifted his phone and both boys took various selcas together and went through them with excitement in their eyes. The maknaes started to play with the bubbles that they were using for their photoshoot and both Beomgyu and Yeonjun didn't took long to join them, while Soobin stared at them, smiling at their antiques... yet he frowned as the memories from last night assaulted him:

_"Why would he do that? The haters are always there, even our sunbaes told us about this and said to pay them no attention" Soobin had asked, staring at their bandmates feeling betrayed- "There's way more people wanting you guys to be together than haters"_

_"Apparently he counsel told him the contrary"_

The whole ordeal made no sense, and it tensed the leader.

He wanted to protect his friends, his new family, but this was a very dangerous situation... and to think that even their sunbaes went through that and apparently succeeded... it seemed surreal. Why would someone accept to ignore like that the person they love? 

A noona called him to fix his make up and hair to which Soobin nodded and followed her reaching the dressing room. The woman worked on him, and the leader found himself almost falling asleep, to which he opened his eyes when the noona finished her job. He stood up, smiled and she headed out.

"Choi Soobin"

The leader turned around and his blood froze.

Bang PD stood in the entrance of the dressing room, his brow frowning, the environment turning tense that Soobin wanted nothing but to run away...

"We need to speak about your actions yesterday, come with me  **now** "

His actions? His stomach churned...

_The teams during the Vlive..._

He trembled slightly and nodded silently, exiting the room and walking next to the man. He heard the laughter of his members dying out the second they saw Soobin and the CEO, Beomgyu going pale and Yeonjun unconsciously reaching for the youngster's hand.

"Hyung..."

Soobin, the moment he heard the tremor in Beomgyus voice felt courage rise up: it was his turn to defend his team, he had to fight for Beomgyu and Yeonjun, they had suffered enough and unfairly. He had a job, as a leader; to protect his members, and he failed once, but he would not do it twice. So he flashed them a confident smile which didn't left his mouth even when the office doors of the CEO of Bighit close down... and the threats began again. 

**+x+ The end +x+**

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Your absence hurts me.  
> \- by David Zepeda.
> 
> I’ve got to be honest,  
> I have not overcome it.  
> And this long distance,  
> Is just killing me.  
> I’ve put my faith in time,  
> That heals everything.
> 
> But it has failed me  
> And I haven’t found a way  
> To escape from your memory  
> And to keep you away from me  
> So many things in my mind  
> That I don’t know how to say  
> Your absence hurts me.  
> The time that we have been separated  
> Autumns that go and don’t return  
> How much do I wish to come back to you  
> Your absence hurts me.  
> The sadness invades me completely  
> I don’t want to think if you don’t come back  
> It really hurts me to feel that I lose you,  
> It really hurts me.


End file.
